From the Couch: December Edition
Hi there! I’m starting a new series called “From the Couch.” It’ll be a mix of personal updates from me, what I’m reading and watching (both for fun and for work), trends I’m seeing in the therapy world, and anything else I think may be of interest.
We are in full Christmas mode here. We love to decorate the house- both inside and out. Last weekend we got our tree. Had a little debate on whether we should switch to a fake tree, but the kids were insistent on a real one. We figured we would keep the current tradition of getting a real tree while the kids were little and then likely switch to a fake one once there were older. The kids love all the decorations, especially when all the lights are on.
One thing I notice with my kids during this time of year is that sleep starts to become a struggle. My kids are 4 and 6, so they are in that stage where they often fight sleep, but they also desperately need a lot of sleep. My youngest is an early riser already and during the holiday season, he’s an even earlier riser. He gets super pumped over all the different festivities (and he repeatedly tells us that he is “really, really, really, really excited…” 😊). It’s really cute and it’s also exhausting. Not to mention he get exhausted so cue the increase in meltdowns.
I find that when I am good- when I can take care of myself, do things that make me feel good, then I can better respond to those meltdowns. The last couple of years I was operating more from a place of feeling close to burnout. Having two young children, navigating the pandemic, and starting and operating my own business, was a lot. This year, I feel a complete 180 and a big contributor to this is having consistent and good childcare. This really ties into one the items under “What I’m Watching”… more on that below.
If you’re a parent and you are noticing an increase in meltdowns, big emotions, less sleep, etc. with your kids, just know this is temporary. There is a lot of stimulation around this time, not mention the excitement. It’s easy for kids to get overwhelmed by it all. Do what you can to take some moments for yourself. Taking care of you is the best thing you can do for your kids.
What I’m Reading
For Fun
“Tell Me Lies” by Carola Lovering. I saw there was a show out and wanted to read the book first. This book was a hard one for me- not because it wasn’t good, but because I felt for the main character and just wanted to shout at her and shake her to her senses. Her choices were beyond frustrating and also sad. Having a daughter myself now, I can’t help but see every female character through the lens of what I want and don’t want for my daughter. I want my daughter to be comfortable in her own skin, to know her worth, to make decisions that are best for her, and to pick people to have relationships with that will treat her with respect and kindness. Lucy, the main character, struggles with her body image, she subjects herself to be treated poorly, her worth is tied up to what a man thinks of her, and she makes decisions based on the possibility of being with him. I also know that Lucy is not unlike many other young women. Our society needs to do better in how we treat and view women. This includes women having the right to make decisions over their own body and to value the work of women. (Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now, but I’m getting back on it in a few…)
For Work
Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey. I got this book after listening to Lisa Lahey on Brene Brown’s podcast, “Dare to Lead.” Dr. Lahey talks about how it is innate to us to resist change. We all want the outcome of the change, but we are naturally averse to doing the behavior of the change. I was very inspired by this and with the New Year coming up and the natural timing of wanting to set some new goals for myself, I plan to utilize her strategies.
What I’m Watching
The White Lotus Season 2 (HBO). With just one episode left, I am obsessed. I love reading the episode recaps and seeing how others are interpreting what happens. I love series that are very character-driven. It’s always so fascinating to see how the different characters evolve and how things play out. I can’t wait to see how the season ends with the finale this Sunday, but I also can’t help be a little sad to say goodbye. Definitely glad to hear that season 3 has been signed on!
Fair Play Documentary (streaming services to rent, or on Hulu). This is me, getting back on my soapbox. This is a must watch for any family and couple out there. Fair Play is a concept created by Eve Rodsky centered around how historically women have taken on majority of the household and child-caring work. She talks about how this labor is invisible, as it’s just being done without being noticed, and it is also devalued. The Fair Play initiative is about making this work more visible and for couples and families to be more intentional and clear about the work that goes into taking care of a household and raising children. These concerns come up a lot with my clients (typically mothers). They are burnout, frustrated, resentful, and unhappy. Fair Play is a game-changer and it’s not just beneficial for women. Men also benefit from being more involved in their family and children also greatly benefit from more involved fathers. I highly recommend the book and cards to assist you in your own facilitation of utilizing Fair Play within your household and partnership.
What I’m Listening To
Midnights (3 am Edition) by Taylor Swift. Yes, I’m still on a Taylor bender. According to my Spotify, I’m in the top .5% of listeners 😝 although my daughter gets some credit, as she’s a fan too. I tend to toggle between this album and then Folklore and Evermore.
Holding Space Podcast by Dr. Cassidy Freitas, specifically the episode- Surviving Sick Season with Dr. Krupa Playforth. The last couple of years have been really tough with sicknesses with kids. I calculated that this year between the months of January- May, as a family we only had 2 full weeks where no one was sick, yikes! To say it was a tough season is an understatement. I also know that I’m not alone in this, as so many of my clients have talked about the same struggle of sick kids. As parents, sometimes we just need to know that we are not alone in the struggle, and this episodes helps with that.
What I’m Cooking
It’s been on the colder side here (and yes, I’m aware I’m in Southern California and this may not be “cold” to some of you, but for us here, it feels cold 🥶). I’ve been all about the soups and stews.
Over the weekend we made this Minestrone along with some homemade pesto to top it off with. I’m also planning to make my favorite Ginger Molasses cookies to take to my husband’s holiday work party and for the bake drive at my daughter’s school.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my first edition of From the Couch. I’d love to know you thoughts of it and anything you would like me to share in the future- comment below!
Take Care,
Melissa
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