Therapy Series: Common Misconceptions About Therapy
There are a lot of misconceptions about therapy, many of them perpetuated by movies and TV shows (oh how I cringe watching those).
While it may be entertaining, these wrong portrayals of therapy can keep people from seeking out help.
Here are some things that therapy ISN’T:
❌ To get advice or be told what direction to take.
You ultimately know yourself and your life best. Your therapist can help guide you through figuring out what is best for you, but they can’t tell you what that is.
Many times people come to therapy expecting their therapist to take the lead. While the therapist may have some thoughts on the direction to take (based on your goals), what you talk about in your sessions is up to you. We also can’t make any decisions for you or direct you on what to do. While we may give suggestions on different ways to approach a situation, the choice to follow it is always yours. It’s also okay to share to your therapist if their suggestions don’t align with your life.
You are the expert in your life and you are the one living it. It’s important that your decisions and the direction you take are yours.
❌ Your therapist only cares because you pay them.
We genuinely care about you and your wellbeing.
Becoming a therapist is a lot of work. We go to at least 2 years of graduate school then work as an intern under supervision for at least another 2 years to obtain a required amount of hours. Then we have to take and pass two exams. We also need continued education for each license renewal (not to mention to continue to learn to best help our clients). There is also a high level of responsibility of care for our clients.
It’s a lot of work and we do it because we care and we want to help. We want you to discover and see the potential in yourself that we see you have. Hearing my clients report back positive things in their life due to the work they put in is one of the greatest joys as a therapist.
❌ There is a “right” or “wrong” way to do therapy (outside of ethical violations of course).
Therapy sessions can include talking about recent events, can talk about your past, discuss bigger picture concepts, can include techniques, etc. The course of your therapy will depend on what you are seeking therapy for and how your therapist conducts therapy.
It’s also important to note that therapy is a process. Changing long-standing thought patterns and behaviors take time. Progress is not a neat line going up, it’s messy, with ups and downs, forward-movement and 2-steps-back. It’s all part of the process. There is also not a neat timeline for improvement. I’ve had clients report that they feel like they are “failing” therapy when they continue to struggle. Yet, showing up for session, being vulnerable and sharing their struggles is therapy.
❌ If you are not connecting with the therapist then you are doing something wrong.
Not every therapist is going to be the right “fit” and that’s okay. Every therapist is going to have their own “flavor” for how they do therapy. Some may talk more and give more direction, others may be less directive, some may engage in more techniques in session, others may be more explorative, some use humor, some use more self-disclosure.
It’s important to note, that it’s not necessarily about the “how” in therapy, but the connection between client and therapist. Research to determine why kind of therapy is “best” finds it’s not the technique that equals success, but the relationship between therapist and client. You need to feel comfortable and understood and much of that will come when the therapist is the right fit.
❌ Your sessions should include big “aha” moments.
While you may certainly create some big connections and have those “aha” moments, not every session is going to be like that. Sometimes it’s a space to cry and let all your feelings out in a safe and supportive environment. Sometimes it’s talking about strategies, gaining different perspectives, and just being heard.
With therapy, it’s not about the destination but the journey. Having a safe space to continue to process your thoughts and feelings is invaluable and often we don’t realize how meaning that can be.
❌ Attending therapy sessions is “enough” and you should be able to “get better” just attending.
This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions. There is often an expectation that your therapist is the “knower of all things” and that they will “heal” you in your therapy appointments. While those sessions can be very eye-opening and encouraging, much of that change occurs outside of session. Insight is great and an important part of the process and it’s not enough. One must take action.
Taking action in-between sessions is hard and this is usually why people seek out therapy to begin with. They may “know” things they can do to help themselves, but continue to get stuck and repeat things that they are wanting to change. Therapy can certainly help you with this.
Ultimately YOU are going to have to do the work to help yourself. Your therapist will be your guide along the way.
❌ Reading a self-help book and following therapists on social media is the “same” as getting therapy.
Not exactly. While there is great information out there and I do believe we all have it in ourselves to heal, doing it on our own is not always going to be possible or the best course of action (see above). It’s hard to see our own blind spots and sometimes the things we do may actually be making things worse or increasing our symptoms on the long-term. Having someone with the education and experience to help guide you along the process can be invaluable.
Therapy is invaluable and has saved many lives and relationships. It’s okay to feel nervous and/or uncertain about starting therapy. Us therapists know this and will be your support along the way.
Tell me, what do you think is the biggest misconception about therapy?
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
